ECW episode 201

The One That Jason Gives Us A Few Reasons Why We Shouldn’t Watch ECW

• The show opens with EXTREME EXPOSE shaking their derrieres in the ring, but they are soon interrupted and chased from the ring by JASON.

“This is Extreme Championship Wrestling, ladies and gentleman; a few scantily women with no respect or discernable talent. How boring could this show be,” Jason says, his eyes wide with frustration. “ECW was once cutting edge, hardcore, and now this is such a bland, impotent, neutered, unentertaining show I would mistake it for One and A Half Men if the sight of Jon Cryer didn’t make me throw up more than the sight of Extreme Expose.

ECW had RVD, Terry Funk, Sabu, Mick Foley, and the list goes on. ECW had flaming table matches, broken glass matches, and a guy with a whistle—all of the hardcore things that made it so great, that made it so clearly superior the headache it has become. Just look, look to the screen and see the difference between ECW of old, and ECW of today. Roll it.”

A video airs comparing the ECW of old and new: Old footage shows innovative matches, compelling characters, people throwing chairs in the ring, blood, gore, two chicks kissing, people throwing chairs in the ring, Sandman, Rhino, Tanaka, Sabu, Raven, Dreamer, Beulah and Alfonso, and people throwing chairs in the ring. New footage shows Vince McMahon as ECW Champion, Extreme Expose, The Miz, Big Show, Ric Flair, DX, Vince McMahon as ECW Champion, a sleeping audience, Vince McMahon as ECW Champion, and old grainy footage of a doctor distributing a How To Cure Insomnia pamphlet with “Watch ECW” as cure #1.

“And so, to the insomniacs watching this tripe, I guarantee to you and to any past fan of the original ECW, I solemnly swear to kill this ugly beast and put it out of our misery. Within one month, ECW will be gone. Forever.”

BALLS MAHONEY makes his way to the ring, taking umbrage with Jason’s assessment of ECW current state.

“Whassa matta, Jason?” Mahoney asks, getting in Jason’s grill. “You don’t like ECW? You don’t like CM Punk, Tommy Dreamer? You don’t like Balls?”

“Oh, I do if they’re Salty!” Jason cracks, then looks into the camera, smiles, and offers a big Thumbs Up. “And yes, I do not like ECW in any way, shape, or form—except canceled and gone forever. Terry Funk, the legitimizing ECW Champion, would roll over in his grave if he could see the mess ECW is now.”—Balls winces, ready to correct Jason’s misstatement—“ECW is crappy. It’s boring! It’s stupid! It’s insulting! It’s as innovative as a rock, it’s about as extreme and as hardcore as is Zac Effron—”

“Terry Funk is not dead.”

“And it’s full of liars!” Jason says, disgusted that Balls would disparage the legacy of a deceased wrestling icon.

“AND,” Balls screams, “It’s full of referees!”

MATCH ONE: A referee, waiting ringside, rings the bell and begins an impromptu MATCH ONE, with JASON defeating BALLS MAHONEY.

• Commercial for…Joey Fatone hosts a TV show?

• Clips of the ECW Championship match at No Mercy and an announcement that tonight CM PUNK will team with TOMMY DREAMER to attack the duo that roughed the champ up at the PPV, BIG DADDY V and MATT STRIKER.

• MATCH TWO: ELIJAH BURKE defeats KEVIN THORN

• Clips of Jason and Vickie Guerrero’s conversation at No Mercy, as well as Estrada declaring war on Smackdown, and the Extremists assault on MVP & MATT HARDY.

• MATT HARDY & MVP are here tonight, and will challenge two Extremists to a tag match!

• Commercial for rugs. Why clean shit up when you can buy a rug?

• MATT HARDY & MVP come to the ring and challenge any two members of the contingent that attacked them at the PPV, EXTREME RULES.

MATCH THREE: WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS MATT HARDY & MVP defeat STEVIE RICHARDS & MIKE KNOX, only to suffer another beat down after the match by the other members of the PPV contingent, avenging ECW’s loss to Smackdown’s tag team champions.

• Jason offers ECW GENERAL MANAGER ARMANDO ESTRADA a chance to simply give control of ECW to Vickie Guerrero and walk away with his integrity intact, or Jason will take both ECW and everything Estrada cares for in his life away. He would not suggest trying his patience, Jason warns, saying there is a long list of broken bodies who didn’t take him serious when it was time to do so.

Estrada, unsurprisingly, turns down Jason’s offer, calling him “Vickie Guerrero’s jester.”

Jason steps toward Estrada. “There is a time for play, and there is a time for business.” Jason snorts. “Guess what time it is for us, you and I?”

“Get out of my office,” Estrada mugs, arrogantly dismissing Jason’s serious tone. “And tell Vickie Guerrero I wasn’t joking. ECW is going to bring war to Smackdown. Tell her I’ll see her on Friday.”

• Commercial for Mothra

• Recap of the CM PUNK/BIG DADDY V title match at No Mercy.

• MATCH FOUR: ECW CHAMPION & TOMMY DREAMER lose to BIG DADDY V & MATT STRIKER, when Striker capitalizes on injuries Dreamer sustained in V’s attacks.