Raw episode 202

The One Where Randy Orton, Umaga and Andy Simmonz Each Wrestle Three Times In England
(Recapped without documenting commercial breaks)

• A RAW-centric video recap of NO MERCY runs, followed by a recap of last week’s RAW, where SHAWN MICHAELS returned to confront new WWE CHAMPION RANDY ORTON.

• RAW GENERAL MANAGER WILLIAM REGAL is in his office admiring a picture of the Queen, as portrayed by Academy Award Winner Helen Mirren. Orton interrupts Regal’s daydreaming and is pissed that not only did HHH not shake his hand, but that HBK came out to attack him. Orton says since Regal is the GM and he should decide who he faces at Cyber Sunday, not the fans. Orton came ready to compete tonight and wants a tune up match. He also says that his potential opponents at Cyber Sunday: Hardy, Kennedy and HBK should have a triple threat tonight. Regal seems agreeable, and says he has an announcement to go and make.

• RAW Opening Video airs.

• Regal come to the entrance stage and address his home countrymen. The Brits are happy to see him and Regal plays the crowd a bit. He says Orton likes things in three's so tonight, instead of the champions suggestion to have his could-be opponents fight one another in a triple threat match, instead, Orton will have three singles matches against his possible Cyber Sunday opponents. First up is Jeff Hardy vs. Orton!

• MATCH ONE: JEFF HARDY, distracted by his rival MR. KENNEDY, is pinned by WWE CHAMPION RANDY ORTON in Orton’s first of three matches of the evening.

• SANTINO MARELLA makes his way to the ring with MARIA. JR is still puzzled by their relationship. Santino has the mic and says hello to London. He is happy to be back in Europe, but confesses that Maria is more beautiful than Europe. He then buries England as a dreary place, full of depressed Britons. He figures everyone is sad because they actually watched The Condemned, starring Stone Cold Steve Austin.

MATCH TWO: SANTINO MARELLA w/MARIA defeats VAL VENIS, ending their mini-program.

• COACH, CARLITO, and HORNSWOGGLE engage in backstage tomfoolery.

• Back from a commercial break, Coach vows to get that rascally Hornswoggle if it’s the last thing he does, he tells us.

• MATCH THREE: MISTER KENNEDY defeats WWE CHAMPION RANDY ORTON by disqualification when Kennedy’s rival, Jeff Hardy, returns the favor for his loss earlier in the night and attacks the Wisconsin native.

• MISTER McMAHON power walks his way to the ring. Vince says he amazes himself. He came up with Cyber Sunday, a WWE Fan's dream come true, where they—the fans—get to log onto WWE.com and determine matches, stipulations and other good things. He announces that HHH will face Umaga at Cyber Sunday. Vince says stipulation #1 will be a Street Fight. It is brutal. There will be a demonstration. Young Andy Simmonz will be the sacrificial lamb.

• MATCH FOUR: UMAGA quickly defeats ANDY SIMMONZ in a STREET FIGHT.

• Vince then says the fate that has just befallen Simmonz will happen to HHH as well should the fans vote he face Umaga in a street fight. He then says the second voting option is a First Blood stipulation, that whoever bleeds first loses. We need a demonstration, he says.

• MATCH FIVE: UMAGA makes SIMMONZ bleed, winning their second contest, a FIRST BLOOD MATCH.

• Vince says the kid is hurt and calls for medical attention. The Simmonz kid looks messed up, bloodied and bruised. Vince then draws our attention to a cage above the ring, and that is the third stipulation, the winner is by escape only. Vince tells Umaga to attack and he tosses Simmonz into the ring. Vince talks us through what happened to "HHH." He keeps calling Simmonz HHH. Now, time for the cage match.

• MATCH SIX: UMAGA defeats SIMMONZ in a CAGE MATCH by escaping through the cell door. During the match, Vince kept yelling "that's HHH, get him!"

• Vince declares Umaga the winner for Cyber Sunday as well.

• Hornswoggle and Coach chase one another on big wheels, bicycles, unicycles and pogo sticks.

• MATCH SEVEN: CANDICE MICHELLE defeats JILLIAN HALL by pinfall.

• Coach chases Horswoggle under the ring, and then gets a BIG RED BOX a la LOONY TUNES with the "pump handled detonator." Coach says he has had it, and pushes it and nothing happens. Coach checks under the ring, Horswoggle is out from under the ring and now into the ring, pushes the pump and we get wacky effects, smoke from under the ring and Horswoggle dances to his music. Coach comes out from under the ring and looks like Wile E. Coyote, SUPER GENIUS. This segment sponsored by ACME, blowing shit up for 78-years.

• MATCH EIGHT: CODY RHODES fails to win HARDCORE HOLLY’s respect, and their match, losing in less than four minutes to the veteran.

• MATCH NINE: HBK defeats WWE CHAMPION RANDY ORTON via disqualification when Mr. Kennedy interrupts that match, followed by Jeff Hardy, who evens the good guy/bad guy quotient. Once again, we end the show with HBK superkicking Orton out cold.